Turkey of Terror? Thanksgiving Horror Stories

The moral of the story...don't invite Wolverine to your family Thanksgiving?


I am hosting my third Thanksgiving dinner, but my first as a married woman…you know, with in-law’s and husband’s relatives all peering at the New Wife.

(I am not only the New Wife, but I am the NEW New Wife, as my husband has an Ex-Wife.)

I am fairly confident all will be pleasant, and I certainly know all of my family’s foibles (as most of my extended family is Away or Dead — which is just sort of a hyperextended version of Away — they are mostly just perplexed and vaguely terrified at the idea of a holiday spent socializing with people they have not ever met before), I am still a bit nervy.

So. Please tell me some of your utterly horrifying (or just slightly amusing) holiday stories, so I can laugh and laugh and be certain that awkward silences will be the worst I have to contend with.


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Sam
    Nov 18, 2010 @ 08:55:15

    It’ll be fine! My first family Thanksgiving with my Il’s was when I was pg with our first. Luckily I was a guest, and didn’t have to cook, just eat. Unluckily, I didn’t have a clue as to who anyone was. One of Steve’s cousins was sitting with her boyfriend, and this obnoxious college age guy was all over her, teasing her and grabbing her and just being a pain, and I wasn’t impressed–especially since she was right next to her boyfriend. After a whole supper of this, I was pretty fed up, and later asked who the asshole was. Found it it was her brother! So funny how things can look when you don’t know the facts! Fast forward 2 years later when we just moved in with Steve’s folks right after our second was born, and said cousin came to say hi and see the new baby. I didn’t recognize him, because it’d been a long time and frankly he had really matured a lot, so I thanked him for coming, and apologized for not remembering who he was. Steve’s mom helpfully pointed out ” Oh sure you do. He’s the one you called an asshole!” Yes, she did. Thank God he was totally cool about it. He said, don’t worry, I’m sure I was. Blush blush.


  2. Pharaby
    Nov 18, 2010 @ 13:54:00

    Hee, Sam! My dinner will be pretty small comparatively — us, my mom, dad and sister, D’s mom and stepdad, and his aunt.

    But this is the biggest Thanksgiving I’ve been to in years! My family usually just goes to a buffet (after my grandma died, family Thanksgivings kinda died, too) but last year they came up here, and we had a nice little dinner.

    But this year, I’m married, and it’s in-law’s! Who are very nice. But I haven’t met the aunt, and none of them have met any of my family, so I know I will be all “ARGH! Mingle! Please talk to each other! Have a cookie!” And D’s folks are younger than mine, too. I hope it goes well.

    At least I will be able to stuff them into food comas, right? (And I will try not to call anyone an asshole!)


  3. jen
    Nov 19, 2010 @ 08:10:42

    Aaah memories, how about spending thanksgiving at my mom’s halfway house(back in college)with a house full of recovering individuals high on many pots of coffee? One guy was in his manic phase and was up allll night making around 30 apple pies, as well as writing a song for my mom that he played for her on his guitar after our feast. “Phyl phyl phyl, you are so awesome and kind…..”


    • Pharaby
      Nov 19, 2010 @ 13:08:38

      That sounds like the gift that keeps on giving, and giving, and giving….until you run shrieking out of the house in your underwear, holding the coffeepot captive and singing “KYLL KYLL KYLL KYLL…!”


Opinion: I know you have one. Share, why dontcha?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: